I was recently stuck in a conversation that I didn't want to be in and couldn't find my way out.
Remember when I blogged about having "
kind eyes?"
OK, while the UP side to having kind eyes is that people trust you with their tough stuff and you have the opportunity to extend grace in moments when other people could really use some. Cutting slack to people who need a break is a good thing. The DOWN side to it is that people with social boundary issues make you crazy.
Let me reiterate, I'm
not talking about people having a moment to share something hard with me when the really need someone to listen.
I
am talking about the people who can cause an entire room full of people to simultaneously roll their eyes. The people we'll avoid talking to by pretending we're on our cell phone and have somewhere VERY important to go. Around our house, we call them E.G.R.'s (Extra Grace Required)... probably because we're used to so many darn military acronyms.
Recently, I've found myself to be very, VERY short on the ability to be gracious. At some point, I'm sure the stories of the last 2 years will come out in this space. Let's just say that my D.B.R. (
Daily Bullshit Requirement) has been met for a lifetime and I'm just over stupid, whiny people complaining about things they can change.
The person who has bills to pay in the next month that they've known about for would come due 2 years ago?
Don't tell me about it. You avoided employment because it wouldn't fit in with your school schedule! Perhaps you should have realized that running out of money before your school year was over was inevitable and attempted to obtain employment before right now. You didn't lose your job; you never had one in the first place. You have no right to complain.
The person who suffers from anxiety so bad that it requires them to take more than what doctors consider to be a "reasonable" amount to Xanax to deal with it? (To the extent where their doc WON'T prescribe them anymore because they went through it too fast?)
Perhaps you should go see a doctor for more than just a prescription and get a better handle on what your triggers are and how you can deal with them effectively. Perhaps reconsidering that the highly stressful job you agreed to do for a large paycheck has cost you far more than its monetary value has benefitted you OR your family is in order. You are CHOOSING this every day. If you're not getting help OR getting out of bed... you don't get to tell us all "how very hard" your life is.
The person who constantly posts on facebook and Twitter about "really needing to lose weight" and while simultaneously broadcasting their check-in's to fast food restaurants and sending the world photos of their Super Mega Uber Sized Banana Pudding milkshakes? This person's usually complaining about being out of cash too.
You should know that YOU are the only one not getting the joke. Betcha you'd lose 30 pounds in the next year without joining a gym simply by NOT eating lunch "out". Knock it off. You're just stupid.
The person who complained that life is so hard for their obnoxious brat of a kid. The one that we all see coming and say, "Oh crap it's _______'s kid. Freakin' great."They've opted to not discipline their kid and left the rest of us to deal with them. They expect us to put up with all the "quirks" and "unique personality" of their Little Angel.
Newsflash: The world can't stand your kid... at 9 years old; this is very much YOUR doing. You don't get to garner sympathy about life being rough as a parent when you totally DON'T do any parenting beyond buying your kid stuff... everything they've ever said they wanted. When your kid's a brat, I want to kick YOU in the shins. Do your freaking JOB. You're a parent, NOT your kid's friend. It's called "Boundaries"...
not having them is bad.
I hate getting into conversations with these people.
HATE. IT.
I hate it because somehow these social misfits always manage to catch me when I'm attempting to pick up or drop off The RiceCakes somewhere en masse. (IE baseball practice, a friend's birthday party, Sunday school, etc.) If I'm dropping my kids off somewhere, all together, that means that I am about to have one of two things:
1) Time alone with my husband when we DON'T have to pay for a babysitter for FOUR KIDS!
2) Time alone with myself where it is very, VERY quiet. (You don't know how BEAUTIFUL "silence" can be until you have four children!)
My problem is that I'm "too nice". I'll tell these people that I'm in a hurry, that I have somewhere to be, and that I really need to go. But these people NEVER LISTEN! They keep talking and talking... and TALKING. I'll be holding the hand of one of my kids, walking towards the door, and STILL they're yapping! If it requires me to do any Kid Wrangling (IE. whistling and trying to get the kids to all move in the same direction all at once) when inevitably, I end up looking like I'm trying to herd cats!
Side note: YES, my children respond to a whistle. No, they're not dogs but, they DO play in the woods a LOT. It lets me get their attention, when I can't see them, and NOT have to yell all their names. Don't be jealous because you didn't think of it first.
I'm TRYING to walk away. I'm TRYING to not interrupt because that's just rude.
BUT taking up my time after I've clearly stated that "Now's not a good time" is MORE RUDE!
(DO NOT cut into Mama and Daddy RiceCake ALONE TIME with a stupid story of your own stupidity!)
There's only one time, in my WHOLE LIFE, that I've managed to get out of an uncomfortable conversation like that and it left me feeling horrible.
My senior year in high school, a boy tried to ask me to prom one morning before school. This was the A.V. boy (Audio-Visual kid who always had a camera and learned to run a soundboard when he was like 9). I had NOTHING against A.V. Boy. I was a first class NERD and had no place to judge anyone else's geekdom. The issue was, I had not ever... even ONCE... EVER had a conversation with this kid until that moment. The other problem was that I had a boyfriend... but A.V. Boy obviously, didn't know that. I felt really bad for him. He looked so nervous... sweaty palms, shaky voice... it was bad. Nervous Teenage Boy BAD. The idea that this kid had been admiring me "from afar" was laughable to me. Equally laughable? The idea that I was intimidating. (I spent 99% of high just wishing I could disappear... I was the least scary person I knew.)
I didn't know how I could tell him that I wouldn't go to Prom with him without being mean. I mean... he looked like he needed a shot of tequila just to ask me. How was I going to be NICE? The idea of hurting his feelings... especially starting his day off with a big fat "NOPE"... made me feel terrible.
My brain was racing.
Suddenly, fate intervened and I never actually had to say anything... but I still felt horrible.
I inhaled a bug!
A gnat randomly flew into my mouth and stuck to the back of my throat.
I started gagging uncontrollably. Seriously, that little sucker was not going to budge. It was totally sick. I ran to the nearest trashcan, completely convinced that I was going to toss my breakfast when I heard a voice behind me saying,
"
Well THAT was unnecessary! All you had to say was 'No'!"
OMG. A.V. Boy thought that I was pretending to puke at the thought of going to Prom with him?! NO! But I couldn't TELL him this because I was choking on a freakin' BUG! I was mortified. No one standing around me knew what the heck happened. I just looked like a Big Jerk.*
Eventually, I got over hurting his feelings. But I've realized... THAT is the ONLY way I've ever been able to get out of an uncomfortable conversation.
So NOW, when I'm stuck in a conversation that I want desperately to get out of, I find myself fantasizing about inhaling gnats.
*A.V. Boy... if you're out in the interwebs somewhere and happen to come across this story... I'm sorry you thought I was gagging at the thought of a date with you because I inhaled a bug at the exact moment you were asking me to Prom! I wasn't trying to be mean... I. ATE. A. BUG!
